When is adoption an option?

Adoption gives the legal responsibility to an individual or couple to care for and raise a child who is not born into their family. You may consider adoption when:

• Attempts at pregnancy have failed.
• You have physical problems or inherited conditions that prevent a successful pregnancy.
• You want to offer a home and love to children who have no one to love or care for them.

You may not be able to adopt a newborn. There are many foreign born, older children, and special needs children with mental, physical, or medical problems who are available for adoption. You need to decide if you are willing and able to raise a child who is:

• an older child
• disabled
• foreign born
• of a different or mixed race.

You may adopt children through a private, public, or independent agency, or through an attorney. Before you decide, be sure to investigate the credibility and policies of the agency. The agency will do an evaluation that includes history taking, interviews, and medical exams. You will need to provide information about finances, health, marriage, and employment.

A closed adoption allows the birth mother and adoptive parents to remain anonymous. In an open adoption, the birth mother is allowed to know and approve of the adopting parents. She may even wish to share in the raising of the child. Open adoption is becoming much more popular. Adoption laws may vary from state to state. You need to know which type of placements are allowed by your state's laws.

What can I expect after the adoption?

Children may be upset by the move to their new home and family. At first, children will probably be excited, overwhelmed, sad, and happy all at the same time. They may behave badly or be overly quiet. They may throw tantrums or behave like they were several years younger than their actual age.

Children may grieve for the life they left. Feelings of loss may involve birth parents, friends, foods, language, or culture. Nothing feels familiar to them. Adopted children may feel unsure about how long you will really want to keep them, especially if they have spent time in foster care.

How can I help my adopted child?

• Let your child help design or furnish his or her room.
• Even if your child doesn't seem to respond at first, spend lots of time together giving hugs or tickles, brushing his or her hair, or reading books.
• Supervise your child's contact with other children. Don't assume your child knows how to play appropriately with other children, especially if he or she was raised in another culture.
• When asked, give what information you have about the birth family with sensitivity and support.
• Give your child plenty of chances to talk about his or her life before living with you. Help your child make connections between his or her past and present by keeping a scrapbook, writing in a journal, or keeping in touch with friends.

How can I help myself?

• Learn about adoption. Join a support group for adoptive parents.
• As soon as the child comes into your home, have him or her evaluated both physically and emotionally. Be sure any history of abuse and any physical scars are documented.
• Recognize that your child may have fears and insecurities that birth children do not. Good communication can help you understand and support your child.
• Accept your child for who she or he is. It may take some time until your child is able to return love, or show it in the way you might expect.
• If you have other children, be sure their needs are met.

If you are thinking about adoption, there are many community, church, and health care resources that can direct you to the proper adoption placement agency. The National Adoption Information Clearinghouse is a comprehensive resource on all aspects of adoption. Call 888-251-0075 or visit their Web site at http://www.naic.acf.hhs.gov.